Musings of an Expagan

I have been really working on my lifestyle change and my weight loss.

I am now officially in 40 jeans for the first time in years.  Another 40 or so to go and I will be at goal.

Well, its that time of year again, and I really don’t like the 4th of July. Not that its a bad day, but its that kind of day that is etched in my memory.

Nine years ago on July 5th, my father died. While the pain has gotten easier to deal with and the memories have started to fade, its the holiday that is closest to the anniversary to his death that really depresses me.

The first few years, it was any holiday, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving… you can go through the list, any day where families get together the wound in me was gaping and raw. I dealt with it by trying my best but for the most part I was a raving bastard on those days.

Nine years latter, most holidays aren’t the mine field they used to be. But its this one that still is raw and still reminds me that he isn’t with me anymore.

My Father wasn’t the best in the world, nor was he the worst, but I loved him as any boy loves his dad does. So now I enter a day that is supposed to be filled with joy and happiness, with a cloud over my head, and trying to put a smile on my face for my son, who will have to deal with the same thing when I am gone.

For those of you out there who still have your fathers and mothers, cherish them, they may not be the best, but they are yours, and I guarantee that you will miss them after they have left this place. While I believe in a life after death, and believe that part of him still lives at this moment, there is still pain, because there is a physical separation between us which will remain unbroken until my time comes.

And amazingly it does get easier. Except for that pinpoint in time when you come face to face with it every year, and even then, over the years, it gets better.

I just had to re work the kneeling prayer post. Seems that the post had some major XML problems that were causing a problem with my feed and with my wordpress app on my iPad. Now that I have this sorted out I can now blog from my iPad.

Well,

I had my three days of darkness.  The power was off due to a storm.  Killed my Low Carb diet, because meat is usually kept in the freezer and we don’t open it during outages.

So I ate what I could.  What does this mean.

Three days of very low carb, the atkins flu and I will be back on program.

:::sigh:::

Well, this next couple of weeks will be the following throw-down.  I have decided that I want to learn how to make Croissants.  I understand that these can be difficult, we shall see.

The first salvo in the battle of the Croissants will be fired this weekend.  Wish me luck

Ok… call me a fanboi…

But after having this thing since the day it launched, I can tell you my laptop spends most of its time with the kids.  They still pester me to use the iPad and get miffed when I tell them to use the laptop.

For 90% of the stuff that I need to do on my laptop, the iPad fulfills it.  The other 10% is this:

1)  VPN into my Cisco router

2)  Control a Mac via Apple Remote Desktop, and/or Server via Microsoft Remote Desktop Connection.

So for Productivity I am using:  iWork

Wordprocessing:  Pages

Spreadsheet:  Numbers (99% of the spreadsheets I need to be able to run)

Presentations:  Keynote

I have to say that I am enjoying this, the size is right for me and fits in my briefcase.

In the west you have the Hail Mary:

Hail Mary,

Full of Grace,

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou among women,

and blessed is the fruit

of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary,

Mother of God,

pray for us sinners now,

and at the hour of death.

.

.

.

In the East we have:

O spotless, undefiled, incorrupt, immaculate, pure Virgin, Lady Bride of God, who by thy wondrous conceiving hast united God the Word to man, and joined the outcast nature of our race to heavenly things, O only hope of the hopeless, and succour of the embattled, the ready help of them that have recourse to thee, and refuge of all Christians: abhor me not, the sinner, the accursed one, who have altogether made myself unprofitable by shameful thoughts, words, and deeds, and with the heartsease of life’s pleasures am become a thrall in mind. But as the Mother of the man-befriending God, do thou, in man-befriending wise, take pity upon me a sinner and prodigal, and receive my supplication, offered thee on unclean lips. And using thy boldness as a mother, entreat thy Son, our Master and Lord, that He may open even unto me the loving compassions of His goodness, and that, overlooking mine innumerable trespasses, He would turn me to repentance, and make me the approved doer of His commandments. And be thou ever with me, as thou art merciful, and compassionate, and the lover of good, being in this life a fervent protectress and help, to defend me from the assaults of adversaries, and guide me unto salvation; and in the hour of my departure, to care for my wretched soul, and drive far from it the dark countenances of evil demons; and in the terrible day of judgment, to deliver me from eternal torment, and show me forth as an heir of the unspeakable glory of thy Son and our God. This be my lot, O my Lady, most holy Theotokos, by thy mediation and help, through the grace and love for man of thine Only-begotten Son, our Lord and God and Savior Jesus Christ, to Whom is due all glory, honour, and worship, with His Father which is without beginning, and His All-holy and good and life creating Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

Yes, I know the west has longer prayers to the Blessed Virgin.  The East seems to not hide theirs.  Also during the Liturgy we have more references to the Blessed Theotokos, we happen to invoke the trinity and cross ourselves about a billion times.  But if it is worth doing, it is worth over doing.

You may or may not know that today, for my Church, is still Pentecost.  Since we have an older calendar which is different from the West.

Here is some info about the Eastern View of Pentecost.

In the Eastern Church, Pentecost is one of the Great Feasts and is considered to be the highest ranking Great Feast of the Lord, second in rank only to Pascha (Easter). The service is celebrated with an All-night Vigil on the eve of the feast day, and the Divine Liturgy on the day of the feast itself. Orthodox temples are often decorated with greenery and flowers on this feast day, and the celebration is intentionally similar to the Jewish holiday of Shavuot, which celebrates the giving of the Mosaic Law.The feast itself lasts three days.

The first day is known as “Trinity Sunday”; the second day is known as “Spirit Monday” (or “Monday of the Holy Spirit”); and the third day, Tuesday, is called the “Third Day of the Trinity.”.”[15] The Afterfeast of Pentecost lasts for one week, during which fasting is not permitted, even on Wednesday and Friday. The liturgical color used at Pentecost is green, and the clergy and faithful carry flowers and green branches in their hands during the services.

An extraordinary service called the Kneeling Prayer, is served on the night of Pentecost. This is a Vespers service to which are added three sets of long poetical prayers, the composition of Saint Basil the Great, during which everyone makes a full prostration, touching their foreheads to the floor (prostrations in church having been forbidden from the day of Pascha (Easter) up to this point).

All of the remaining days of the ecclesiastical year, up until the preparation for the next Great Lent are named for the day after Pentecost on which they occur (for example, the 13th Tuesday After Pentecost).

The Second Monday after Pentecost is the beginning of the Apostles’ Fast (which continues until the Feast of Saints Peter and Paul on June 29).

Theologically, Orthodox do not consider Pentecost to be the “birthday” of the Church; they see the Church as having existed before the creation of the world.  The Orthodox icon of the feast depicts the Twelve Apostles seated in a semicircle (sometimes the Theotokos (Virgin Mary) is shown sitting in the center of them).

At the top of the icon, the Holy Spirit, in the form of tongues of fire, is descending upon them. At the bottom is an allegorical figure, called Kosmos, which symbolizes the world. Although Kosmos is crowned with earthly glory he sits in the darkness caused by the ignorance of God. He is holding a towel on which have been placed 12 scrolls, representing the teaching of the Twelve Apostles.

VIENNA — An Austrian bishop who has disagreed with the Vatican in the past about needed reforms said in an interview published Wednesday that the Catholic church should drop its celibacy requirement for priests.

Eisenstadt Bishop Paul Iby told the Die Presse daily that it should be up to priests to decide whether they want to live a celibate life and that he would welcome it if married men could be ordained.

“It should be at the discretion of every priest whether to live in voluntary celibacy or in a family,” Die Presse quoted Iby as saying.

Iby, who offered to retire when he turned 75 in January, also said that eventually the ordination of women should be considered.

Read the rest here

STANZAS OF THE SOUL

St. John of the Cross

1. On a dark night, Kindled in love with yearnings—oh, happy chance!—
I went forth without being observed, My house being now at rest.

2. In darkness and secure, By the secret ladder, disguised—oh, happy chance!—
In darkness and in concealment, My house being now at rest.

3. In the happy night, In secret, when none saw me,
Nor I beheld aught, Without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart.

4. This light guided me More surely than the light of noonday
To the place where he (well I knew who!) was awaiting me— A place where none appeared.

5. Oh, night that guided me, Oh, night more lovely than the dawn,
Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover, Lover transformed in the Beloved!

6. Upon my flowery breast, Kept wholly for himself alone,
There he stayed sleeping, and I caressed him, And the fanning of the cedars made a breeze.

7. The breeze blew from the turret As I parted his locks;
With his gentle hand he wounded my neck And caused all my senses to be suspended.

8. I remained, lost in oblivion; My face I reclined on the Beloved.
All ceased and I abandoned myself, Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.